Water Buffalo Momos & Public Cremations

This will be quick..past my bedtime and we're waking up at 4:30am to catch a bus out of Kathmandu. I'll likely be off the grid for a month or so while I go trekking in Manaslu & Annapurna. 

There's so much more I want to say about the Nepalis I've met and what I've learned about the caste system and economy and geopolitical history of Nepal, but instead of that essay here are some touristy photos :)

And water buffalo momos (tiny dumplings) are my new favorite snackiepoo.

Standard mealtime view. I don't know exactly what this is but it's some yummy omelette-esque Newari snack. 

Look who I found in Nepal! Getting together with Amit, who grew up in Kathmandu and now lives in Portland was so awesome.

Amit showed me a cool secret library. So peaceful compared to the constant chaos on the streets. 

You can pretty much outfit an Everest expedition with gear bought in the Thanek district of Kathmandu. Legit brand name stuff runs at regular US prices but there's a bunch of lower quality knockoff type stuff you can get for super cheap.

I got my skirt hemmed for 40 cents. I wish a photo could convey the crooked alleys of tiny workshops and kids playing soccer and old folks chatting and meat drying and chickens sleeping on Hindu statues that I meandered through to get here.

The Golden Temple at Pashupatinath temple complex. This is a very important Hindu holy site on the Bagmati River that I have neither the time nor the expertise to explain. I watched but didn't photograph a few cremations going on here. Very emotional and raw thing to see and I'm still processing.

Same thing, different view. There aren't many trees in Kathmandu because they've all been cut down for firewood.

These dudes were so high.

First Day in Kathmandu

Bad news- I can already tell I'm going to be a bad blogger.  Like the title of my blog suggests, it's important to me to 'be here now' and feeling the need to write about my experiences might clash with that.  On the other hand, I want to keep in touch with people, so maybe between those two opposing pulls I'll just be a decent blogger.

This is where I am right now.. in Vince's kitchen eating breakfast of chai, toast & fruit. Notice my sweet technology.

Anyways, I'm in Kathmandu!  I arrived less than 24 hours ago and already like this place a lot, which is unusual for me because I usually don't like huge, densly populated cities.  Getting here was shockingly easy.. 12 or so hours overnight between LAX and Guangzhou, China where I shared a row with possibly the sweetest person in the world.  "Grandma Lucy" had been in the US for a hip replacemet kept passing me my favorite lychee candy and insisted I sprawl out over the empty middle seat to sleep.  

I don't know how long I traveled for.. maybe 20 hours and it was shockingly easy.. no hanger, jet lag, screaming babies.  And now I'm in Nepal!  I have a lot of unformed thoughts and a lot to learn about the history, geography, culture and language.  I'm ridiculously lucky to get to be hosted by my friend from California, Vince, who teaches high school anthropology at an international school, and his roommate Gabe who's working on a Fullbright/UN research project on HIV risk behaviors in the city.  Both of them speak Nepali and are amazing tour guides.. not just the touristy things but even this early on the trip I've gotten to be exposed to a more intimate and authentic side of local life than I'd have seen just staying in Tamel, the backpacker district.  

I have a lot of unformed thoughts and my mind is too open to have many observations or opinions yet. The stereotype of Nepalis being friendly is definitely true.  And the food is great so far.

Not the greatest photo but this stupa and courtyard are a 5 minute walk from Vince's place.

This is Kathmandu in a nutshell- sacred sites next to smoggy traffic.

I'm headed out for the day to visit the temple complex Pashupatinath where Hindus cremate bodies next to the sacred (and polluted) Bagmati River.  Then it's big Sherpa style dinner in town.  On Wednesday the three of us head out for what will be an incredible trek in Manaslu, and from there I'll head to Annapurna and Pokra.  Not that those names should mean anything.. they're just names right now to me too.  I'll be largely off the grid for the next month or so (sorry Mom!) Thanks so much for reading this.  

Uprooting & Aiming South

In the past few weeks I’ve become increasingly aware that I’m severely jealous of people who get to use uprooting/extended international travel as a form of escapism.  I haven’t read Wild but it sounds like Cheryl Strayed had some specifically shitty things going on in her life that merited ditching it.  I am so incredibly lucky to not have that kind of push, but it does make for a really tough emotional challenge to leave behind a life that has been comfortable, challenging, fulfilling and full of love.  I’m being overly dramatic about leaving.  Most likely I’ll be back in Portland in less than a year to start a Masters in Social Work at Portland State.  But the logical part of my brain that knows I’m embarking on an awesome, temporary adventure is overrun by the panicky, terror-stricken and sad part of me that doesn’t like leaving the constant connection of my cell phone data plan or the security of a paycheck, car and locked door.  Those fears don’t even come close to having to say goodbye to the amazing communities I get to be part of in Portland, the people I love or perhaps could have loved, a job I adored and my fantastic family.  As chatty/bloggy as I am, words sort of fail me.  My BFF Katie joked that they should have made me a T-shirt for my drive down from Portland that said “CAUTION: May Burst Into Tears At Any Moment.”  It’s been so embarrassingly true :)

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

-Winnie the Pooh

The recap of leaving Portland:

Last day at JOIN coincided with our annual camping trip, which involved guitar and whiskey around the campfire until way too late and was a great reminder of how awesome the people I’ve gotten to work with are.  Symbolic passing on of my cell phone and list of “folks” to my replacement, Amber, was bittersweet but I’m feeling good about the transition.  

My goodbye party was a lovely blend of dozens of people who have turned Portland into my home.  There was a keg of Basecamp beer, amazing food by Katie Mays, Daniel, Carolyn & Liz an others, cornhole, and fortunately, very little photographic evidence of the night.

Packing was a fustercluck.  Has any packing experience in history ever not been a fustercluck though?  My stuff was distributed to homeowner friends (thanks Quinn and Chris!) and my poor little car was stuffed to the brim.  Very different experience from when I first drove up to Oregon and everything I owned fit in the trunk.  I’m a good accumulator!

Saying goodbye to Alberta House was, as expected, a sobby experience.  Roommate Brian waved bye from the sidewalk while I drove away sniffling...towards a burrito date with Hal a few exits south which totally saved me.  It wasn’t until 7pm that I put thought into where I’d spend the night and fortunately got dorm space at a lovely hostel in Ashland- one of my favorite cities.  (Check out The Ashland Commons if you find yourself in town.)  We stayed up too late talking politics and drinking hard cider and I could begin to feel my sadness of leaving already starting to lift.  The next morning Erik and I walked to the Ashland Coop (go there!) for local organic expensive breakfast and I hit the road again, fair-trade coffee in hand.

Right on the border of Oregon and California I got news that a letter from the DMV had arrived, informing me that my registration had been suspended because I’m a terribly irresponsible car-owner and had neglected to renew anything.  I spent half an hour literally waffling on the border, feeling like a dual citizen, debating which state to register in.  I went with California- not for any great reason, but I enjoyed knowing that my car full o’ crap wouldn’t be impounded on my journey.

Several hours of The Moth, This American Life, TED Talks, and The Dirtbag Diaries later, I was in the Bay Area.  Highlights from the drive include the massive wildfire that shut down I-5 for a while (without affecting me) but the 9 year old boy in me was super excited about scenes like this.

Also, California is droutrageous!

I wish I’d allowed more time for the drive down- every exit looked worth exploring.  But I was so happy to show up at Francesca’s sweet hotel in Pleasanton, where I felt really out of place with my mountain bike, backpack and Chacos among business suits and traveling execs.

Francesca and I caught up over sushi and a bottle of wine in our PJs.  I love that woman.  The ginormous consulting firm Accenture was kind enough to pay for my breakfast the next morning which was just so sweet of them.

I aimed south again, hit cruise control and sang along to Les Miserable and alternated crying and laughing at podcasts.  Have I mentioned that I love driving alone?  Yeah, I go a little crazy and have way too much time alone in my head, but I still wasn’t sick of driving even after day 3.

Being home is so good.  So good.  I absolutely love hanging out with my family, and we’ve got two dogs (Bella and Murphy) and a creatively named cat (Kitty), who are always happily underfoot.

 I’ve been eating well and my stuff has exploded to cover two different rooms.  Whoops.

I’m not ready to leave in less than 24 hours.  Not done with my to-do lists (travelers insurance? suspending car insurance?) or packing, and definitely not emotionally ready to take off.  Logically I know it’ll be good once I’m there, but it’s hard to get my scared brain to stretch in that way right now.  I don’t think I’m actually internalizing that I’m taking off tomorrow.  Weird.

It’ll work out though.  Today is the anniversary of my good friend Eunjey Cho being killed by a woman driving under the influence in Colorado.  Eunjey was on an epic bike journey from Spokane, WA home to Princeton, NJ and I continue to be inspired by his example of embracing the unknown and saying YES to adventures.  Eunjey is a huge motivator behind me doing this trip, and his life and death will likely be a theme throughout my journey.

This is really happening!

Nepal->Myanmar->Home->Ecuador->Patagonia-> ?

Fall 2014-Spring 2015

That's the very rough draft for my upcoming adventure.  Until recently those places sounded as exotic and unreachable as Saturn.  Adjusting to the realization that I'm going to actually be in those places has been huge for me!  Here's a brief overview of my ridiculous outline for the next several months, set to begin with a flight to Kathmandu on Sept 18th.

In Nepal, I'll be going on an 18 day trek with my good friend Vince Gianotti, who's been teaching in Kathmandu for a few years.  We're aiming hopefully at the restricted Dolpo region in the remote northern part of Nepal.  (Is this real life!?)

Afterwards, I'll be joining with the Mazamas' Critical Incident Stress Management team to work with the Sherpa communities.  Following the devastating avalanche on Everest in April that killed 16 Sherpas, we were contacted by internationally recognized climber Conrad Anker who requested CISM support and training for the Sherpa community.  Partnering with the Alex Lowe Foundation, Lhakpa Gelu Foundation, and local guides, our team is planning to spend a month traveling from village to village providing training and support in critical incident debriefing.  We don't know many details about this yet, but I'm hopeful that we can provide free training that will hopefully benefit the community.

My timeline from there is hazy, but I am hoping afterwards to volunteer or trek in Nepal, or potentially visit a Bhutanese friend in Bhutan.  I'll be home with family for Christmas and to apply to grad school, likely while working some crappy job.

For the new year, I'll repack  my backpack and fly down to Cuenca, Ecuador, where I plan to spend the month of January in the mountains doing an intensive Spanish immersion and tutoring English to keep costs down.  In early February I'll hopefully meet up with some Portland friends who are going to be in southern Chile to do those iconic treks (!).

Last on my list of plans is to volunteer to help build the Patagonia National Park.  Really.  I was selected to be part of a small crew of half-Chileans and half-North Americans to spend a few weeks in the backcountry doing invasive species removal, trail building, fence removal, etc.  If you've seen the movie "180 Degrees South" on Netflix- this is it!  Here's info on the volunteer program.  I'm pretty shocked that I was accepted, given my lack of background in conservation and Spanish ability.  It'll be intense but great.

My pseudo-plans end in early March.  At the moment, that is intentional because I imagine that I will have changed and grown a lot as a human by then.  I can't predict what I'll want, what I'll need or who I'll have met at that stage.  Leaving the future open ended is both freeing and terrifying.  I'm sure I'll be beyond broke at that point so it's likely that I'll either come crawling back to my parents' basement or, ideally will work for a local nonprofit for a while.  I might start a Masters in Social Work program in Fall of 2015, but I don't know.

Given how straightforward my life's trajectory has been until now, this all feels very drastic and new.  I'm incredibly excited of course, but that is tempered by how tough it's going to be to leave Portland (see earlier blog post), and feeling guilt around the privilege of getting to do this in the first place.

I'm not one for short term "voluntourism" but I also know that I'm not interested in doing a trip like this that's just centered around hiking and drinking in hostels.  The volunteer programs that presented themselves in Nepal and Patagonia are once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that I feel have a specific focus, are well-thought out and don't misdirect resources from the local population.  I've tried to be very intentional about not just excitedly signing up for the first NGO gig that offers good photo-ops.  Everything is falling into place surprisingly well that I can build a long-term trip around two major volunteer programs in different parts of the world, and then hopefully stay on to plug into a local nonprofit effectively.  Those later opportunities will have to be the type that arise organically from being in a place- not something I'd be able to research and plan around now.

I've never asked for money, and doing so after voluntarily quitting my job feels especially bizarre.  But here's the link to this crowdfunding campaign I just set up, trying to offset some of the costs I'm accruing while blowing my savings on this adventure.  My friends have convinced me that I've accrued enough karma doing what I do in the past four years that it's worth asking the universe for some help in this next stage of my life.

More important than financial support, I know that I'm going to be lonely and have moments of crushing self-doubt when I'm on this trip.  Your emails & comments mean more to me than I can convey.  Also, if you've been to any of these places and have suggestions, send them my way!  I'd also be very appreciative of being put in touch with any friendly faces you know in the countries I'll be visiting.

I promise that future blog posts will be less list-ey and more story.  Thanks so much for reading.  I'm only able to launch off like this because I know what a wonderful and supportive community I have.  Between now and Sept 18th I am working through endless to-do lists in preparing to uproot my life.  I would love to see each of you before I go.  Let's make it happen!

Love,
Colleen

Saying Goodbye Hurts

Hello friends and family near and far.  Thanks so much for reading!  I've always felt like personal blogs are inherently boring and self-aggrandizing so I'll do my best to not be either of those, and  to keep posts short and photo-heavy.

So, after four incredible years of calling Portland "home," I've decided to uproot and see where the universe takes me.  My hope is to spend the next year or so backpacking internationally, focusing on volunteer opportunities and authentic cultural experiences as well as outdoor adventures.

It's tough to convey how difficult the decision has been to leave my life in Portland behind.  Back when I had the idea to travel a few months ago it felt surreal- it would never actually happen.  I've been on a pretty straightforward trajectory my whole life that has been school directly to Jesuit Volunteer Corps NW which morphed into my current job of four years working with the homeless population at JOIN.  JOIN has been so much more than a job.  Heck, I was a full-time volunteer there for two of those years.  The genuine, compassionate focus we have on empowering marginalized individuals through authentic relationships has shaped me as a human.  I've learned so much from my amazing coworkers and homeless folks, and doing the hard work in the trenches of urban poverty has allowed me to mature and learn more than I could have doing anything else since college.  I could go on, but I'll leave it at the fact that giving my notice yesterday was one of the most difficult things I've ever done.  The next month and a half of saying goodbye to the friends on my list of formerly homeless people I work with will be incredibly painful.

In addition to a fantastic job, I'm also leaving an amazing community of close friends.  I feel so fortunate to never have experienced the isolation that often comes with being a 20-something in a new city.  My friends from JVC NW, roommates, climbing, Mazamas, etc. have been my anchor and I love the feeling of being supported and having so many wonderful people around with whom I feel comfortable being my real, filter-less self.  I'm a complete idiot to leave all of these wonderful connections, but I know that it's not forever and that we will definitely stay in touch.  When I think about the reality of leaving it's hard to keep from crying.  It's terrifying and sad.  At the same time though, I realize that if I didn't feel that sadness it would invalidate the past few years as not meaning enough to have affected me in that way.  I never feel far from my family, and I know that I'll probably stay in touch as well with them while traveling as I currently do.  I'm so ridiculously grateful for their unconditional support and safety net.

I'm not "running away" from anything by leaving.  There is nothing negative in my Portland life that would 'push' me out of this lifestyle.  I needed this major 'pull' of travel and eventual grad school to motivate me to depart from a life that is completely comfortable, fulfilling and fun.  I am beginning to feel the fringes of being burnt out at work and my folks deserve to have me at my best, least-jaded self.  I know that I can effect more positive social justice change if I have the skills and knowledge that come with having a Master's degree.  And in the meantime, I crave the instability and adventure that come with solo backpacking.  This is a bit tough to broadcast to the world, but a big motivation for me to actually pull the trigger was having had two separate, minor health related scares in the past few months.  I realized that in both instances, my first thoughts were, "I need to go travel before I have to deal with this!"  Fortunately, while it's probably not the smartest thing for me to ditch health insurance, everything is looking fine for now.  Naturally I'm experiencing a huge amount of self-doubt around this whole trip, but I'm counter-intuitively choosing to go for it regardless.  This is all really difficult for me.